As a previously bullied, shy child with very conservative parents, anything I liked was usually picked apart and/or mocked. To this day when I like or love something, you'd never know it because I act disinterested. It's hard to overcome those old lessons.
"You need to find your voice."
It was interesting to me in class the other day that my voice was the loudest. Newbies are quiet and uncertain regardless of temperament, as they discover quickly that it's oddly hard to focus on your feet, your sword and try to talk out loud, even just to count to ten. I was told early on that the idea behind kiai (or just counting loud) was that even if your technique is the worst and you know nothing, you should be loud as it shows energy and willingness and excitement for learning.
See the challenge for me?
I had thought it was impossible but there it is, now I'm as loud as you could wish. A newbie asked me which of the arts I like best and I was able to allow myself a moment to gush over Niten, an art I find exceptionally fun. 6 months to break 27 years of silence. The magic of martial arts I suppose. Or rather, the thing I find most interesting, the clash of themes, the contrast. Smooth, beautiful, dance like movements with gruesome purpose, and the ability to find peace by learning violence.
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